I Want to Be Cute

I Want to Be Cute

At least in Japan, I think there are fairly strong gender roles, and the concept of gender in society is largely divided into two based on the biological traits of male and female.

When I see someone’s appearance or behavior and think, “Oh, they’re so cute…,” it’s almost always someone who is socially recognized as a woman. And people who behave socially as women are generally considered biologically female as well (or so the statistics said).

But I’m socially recognized as a man, and maybe once every few dozen times I have a moment where I think, “I want to be like that.” I’ve been exposed to the internet since I was little, and I find people who are popular there for certain looks to be “cute.”

It’s not that I want to become a girl… right?

But it’s not like I want to change my biological sex to female right now. I don’t feel suffering from not being that, and I don’t think my gender identity is female.

What even is “cute” in the first place?

Karen (可憐): Having a beautiful appearance or manner, and a heart that is soothed by it. I think my idea of “cute” points to that sense of “karen.”

What is “cute” for?

So why do I want to become cute? Why do I want to make myself look beautiful?

Thinking about that, it seems necessary to start from why I want to make myself look beautiful.

First, I think the standards of beauty themselves are set by society. The appearance of a “beautiful person” supported by society differs by era. Humans have reproduced as a species up to now, and when choosing a partner, appearance is often one of the criteria.

I find it interesting that society decides those criteria. I don’t know how other animals do it, but humans intentionally modify things like clothing, makeup (in some eras people even painted poisonous substances on their faces), and even body hair, which is part of one’s body, trimming it intentionally.

Maybe it’s about adjusting to societal standards to create a better short-term impression. Short-term impressions are very important for attracting people, opportunities, and resources. In the long term it’s unclear, but it’s probably closely tied to opportunities for sexual contact, which are essential for human survival.

But I also think being someone who can communicate attractively matters in the long term.

Not only “cute,” but there is also “cool,” so the indicators used to judge appearance are very fuzzy and maybe multidimensional.

Reasons I want to try being cute

I’ve seen many people who use short-term impressions to give good impressions and attract many things, and because I haven’t experienced that myself, I envy them. But because I recognize myself as male and live socially as a man, I tend to not pay much attention to male attractiveness and instead focus more on female attractiveness (at least in terms of standards). So rather than wanting male beauty, I might want to improve along the axis of female beauty — in other words, I want to be cute.

Social change

The society that has continued since the agricultural era has had very different roles for women and men, and women have often been judged more by their appearance. Typical roles like men working and women doing housework.

But recently that’s been changing, and more people choose to work the same as men, so the big differences seem to be diminishing.

If you compare men and women on the same field, it feels like women have one extra thing to consider. While women may shift toward another axis of what they can do rather than just appearance, men—though what they can do is important—also seem to be starting to care about appearance. I feel this gap will eventually close, and whether social gender will disappear is questionable even from a biological perspective, so I think those distinctions will remain to some extent. But compared to the past, the gap like “men work, women do housework” is narrowing.

I think this has become particularly noticeable recently in Japan. In places I lived before, like Malaysia, religion has a big influence and it doesn’t look the same. Oh, but in Korea male idols wear a lot of makeup, elaborate clothes, and dance—maybe it’s related.

Biological sex can’t be changed afterward (except perhaps via genetic manipulation before birth…), so you can’t choose it at will. Therefore, to reduce the number of people who suffer because of it, society tries to fill that gap through social systems.

For now, I don’t pay much attention to my appearance and I haven’t been criticized for it, but maybe that era is coming to an end.

For now, I’m glad to be a man

This might sound discriminatory, but honestly I often feel that men still have the advantage in the world today. It depends on the country, but it clearly seems men have more freedom.

I think such disparities should be resolved. However, the situation varies greatly by country, and even if social rules change, people’s common sense doesn’t change immediately. In fact, those ideas can become part of the social system and make it hard to dismantle.

So for now, being male hasn’t stopped me from doing what I want or subjected me to hostile looks. So frankly, I’m glad to be a man. But precisely because of that, maybe challenging myself to become cute could reveal something.

I wish someone would help me. Some people strongly resist going against society. I don’t have the courage.